Stupid AF

I was really, really hoping that I wouldn't be one of those women who didn't get AF after stopping the BCPs, but I wasn't. She showed. But, on a good note, I do know things are on track and normal, so I guess I can't complain too much. Luckily, Cramping and Bloating decided not to make the trip this time...yeah! But, if you ask Mark, Crabby made a strong appearance this time. Oops...poor Mark. :(

I am now on day 8 of Lupron. On day 10 of Lupron, which will be Tuesday, I have an estradiol level drawn and an ultrasound to see how my ovaries are doing. Both Mark and I are excited to see our potential babies again. If we're this excited to see a bunch of follicles, can you imagine how we're going to be when I'm actually pregnant? :) We are such dorks.

Next Friday, we start the stimulation medications. I can't believe it's almost here already! Whoa!! Then, on Sunday, 10/05, I have another estradiol level drawn. Normally they don't draw that again but because my FSH was a little high, they want to. Then, on 10/07 we have another estradiol level drawn and an ultrasound. Then, on 10/09, another estradiol and ultrasound. From there, we see how my follies are growing to see what the next step is.

I wanted to give everyone an update as to what was going on and our next appointments.

Here is some encouragement I got from my friend, Choco, which I thought was pretty cool:

When the world says 'give up',
Hope whispers 'try one more time'

Hope you're all having a wonderful weekend!!

I'm done with the BCPs!!

Yay!! Thank goodness! I did not like those things at all and I'm so glad to be done with them!

My daily dates with Lupron are going really well. Mark has been giving me my shots and he's done so well. He's so gentle and does such a wonderful job. There was 1 day that he had an insulin reaction and was kind of out of it. I ended up having to give myself the shot. It really went well and wasn't too bad. However, as long as Mark can give it to me, I'm all up for that. :) He did feel horrible that he wasn't there to give me my shot, but it all ended up good. :)

I've been doing acupuncture and have had 4 treatments so far. That's going really well. I'm not as tired as I used to be. I find I'm sleeping much better and I find that I'm not as emotional as I have been. All are contributed to the acupuncture. I'm really glad I started it.

I talked to my acupuncturist/chiropractor yesterday. She's so awesome. I'm so blessed to have found a Christian one who really cares about patients and isn't just in it for the money. She was very encouraging yesterday. I was telling her how I was praying so much that this will work. She said it'll help to pray for the blessings that we will have babies. No matter what, through this, Mark and I will have babies....we will be parents! God will provide us with babies. Some will go to heaven and it'll be hard, but we'll see them again. Hopefully 1 or 2....maybe 3 (whoa!)....will stay here with us and what a joyous day that will be.

That talk with her really helped. We are so blessed.

Thank you God for:
1. Giving us our babies.
2. Giving us this opportunity to be able to become parents.
3. Making this a "joint" effort by letting Mark give me my shots and making him feel more involved.
4. Giving us time to be together and have a great time. Our drives are so long, but we spend so much time together and laugh a lot. This is time Mark would otherwise be sleeping at home and not spending together.
5. Providing for us financially. Money has always been there for us.
6. Loving us and showing us we're not alone through this.

My first shot of Lupron

Well, this could be interesting. I guess it's true....a picture is worth 1000 words:



Ouch, huh? I really feel sorry for that person.

Yeah, that's right...that's not me. Did I fool anyone? :)

Actually, it went great. I hardly felt it at all. Yeah, it stung a little and burned going in but it went very well. Mark was such a trooper and was so careful. He was so afraid of hurting me so he was so gentle. His eyes are really bad so he had trouble seeing the needle. He had the needle right against my skin and it was poking me. After a little while, he asked if I was ready for him to go in. I didn't have the heart to tell him it had been poking me for a while.

It went very well...I was surprised. I actually felt like a tough chick afterwards and ready to go for it again tomorrow. :)

Hope you're all having a wonderful weekend!!

Pictures of the meds

Peyton was there when the meds came so she got to be in some pictures which I loved. Tyler came a few hours later. Here are pictures of the meds:

Peyton with the box


The display of meds and syringes


The meds and syringes


Some of the meds had to be refrigerated so it came in a package with ice packs to be put in the refrigerator upon arrival. Peyton loved the ice packs and thought they were toys. Her favorite part was walking on them.



Tyler's favorite part was putting them on his face and head


Here they are both standing on the ice packs



Now being a responsible aunt, you would think, I would put a stop to the playing....but of course not. Instead, I came up with a game:

Throwing the ice packs into a basket. It was fun until one broke open and gel came out so we threw them away. Tyler couldn't understand. I told him I didn't want him playing with them anymore in case there was some poisonous gas or something in it. Of course Tyler wanted to know what poisonous gas was. Mark came to the rescue with this answer "You know, like Tammy's farts!"

Nurse consult

Just as an FYI, for those doing IVF, when you're on the BCPs, it is perfectly normal to have breakthrough bleeding. I actually even had a little AF symptoms. It's so annoying, but it's normal.

We had our nurse consult yesterday. It was pretty overwhelming learning about all the medications and stuff. They went over a little bit more about the retrieval and transfer and said they will go over that a little more as time goes on. They have a nice little calendar book with the dates and medication dosages so it’s actually really easy. I think they had me in mind when they made that. I think once we get going on the medications, I’ll be okay, but the thought was kind of freaking me out yesterday. We start the Lupron on Sunday! That’s 2 days away! All my medications will be coming today so I’ll be sure to take a picture when they come.

I did make a fool out of myself yesterday. It wouldn’t be a day without making a fool out of myself. We were talking about freezing the embryos and she said she had to hold a credit card for the amount when/if we had embryos to freeze. She asked if we didn’t have any to freeze if we wanted her to shred it.

Me, being the blonde I am, said “Well, I think we’ll want it back and not shred because we’ll probably need it.”

The finance lady smiles. You can tell she’s trying not to laugh. Meanwhile, Mark is shaking his head. Immediately I realize the mistake I’ve made and just said with a beet-red face, “Aw, shredding would be good.” We all start laughing and the finance lady says I was cute…aw, thanks. I told her that I was never going to live this down and the whole family was going to hear about this. I’m sure the whole office had a good laugh when we left.

I’ll be sure post a picture when we get the medications! I can’t believe this is happening!

This weekend I will be getting caught up on blogs. I apologize as I haven’t been there like I want to be. I hope everyone is doing okay!

Sorry if I've been distant

I just wanted to apologize if I haven't been as talkative in e-mails or blogs like I usually am. These BCPs are making me very emotional and just not myself. Not that I'm overally depressed or suicidal by any means...just not myself and just feeling down. I have heard that for some women, they had problems with the BCPs and not the stims, so I'm hoping that's me. I'll be fine...I always am, just not quite myself and just hanging low I guess.

On top of the BCPs, Mark's been having more trouble with his blood sugars and has been having a lot more insulin reactions, mostly at night, so I haven't been sleeping the best. And, my neck has been out so I've been waking up with headaches. Yesterday it was so bad that I was throwing up and had a really bad headache. Tomorrow I get adjusted so hopefully that'll help. :)

So, don't give up on me. :) Hopefully soon I'll be back to my old self! This process is really tough...tougher than anyone will ever know unless you've been through it.

Saline sonogram and trial transfer

Yesterday we had our saline sonogram and trial transfer. It was so simple and took about 5 minutes. It was just a long Pap smear. The first was a trial transfer to see how easy the catheter went through my cervix and it went very easy, no problems at all. Then they did the saline sonogram to check out my uterus and ovaries. Everything looked great and the doctor said all my parts looked wonderful. There were 9 follicles on my left side and 8 on my right side which he said was a great number.

The only concerning part was that my CD3 FSH blood work was a little high. This means that I might not respond as well to the fertility meds. However, with the amount of follicles I already have, he's not too concerned about it and thinks it'll be okay. I pointed out about the Clomid and how the Clomid seemed to produce bowling balls and he agreed that it shouldn't be a problem. I sure hope he's right.

Thursday is the nurse consult when we find out the medication protocol. We did watch our DVD explaining the shots and it made me nervous all over again. I sure hope this all goes okay.

I have to tell you this story. During the appointment, Mark was pretty sick to his stomach. I could tell that he was ready to lose his cookies the whole time we were in the office. Sure enough, as soon as we got out to the car, he loses it. Right about where we had our frozen puke last winter. I asked him what he thought brought it on and this is what he said:

"I'm not sure. Maybe it was the mashed potatoes I had for lunch. But the minute I saw your uterus, I was about to lose it."

Thanks honey. He was teasing of course....just trying to make light of the situation.

Also on the whole home, I freaked him out:

Tammy: Do you realize that we just saw the first picture of our baby?

Mark (slight pause): Really?

Tammy: Yeah. Those follicles are the first step in our baby.

Mark (slight pause and face turning slightly white): Wow......

It was so funny to see his reaction. :)

I did also have my first round of acupuncture yesterday which went very well. I did hear from my wacky psychologist that we were forced to see that if you have acupuncture right before and after the transfer, it increases your chances by 50%. So, question here.....if I do that and my acupuncturist is 45 min away, with me supposed to be on bed rest after the transfer, how does that work? Am I allowed to drive that far and go through that or would I be better off not doing that and going straight home to bed?

Thanks so much guys. :)

Our psychology appointment

First of all, just as a warning to those considering IVF: The BCPs can be nasty. :( I've been sooooo emotional lately. I wasn't sure what it was, but I've talked to a few fellow IVF'ers who have told me the BCPs can be the culprit as they are full of hormones. I've talked to a couple IVF'ers who had trouble with the BCPs but didn't have trouble with the stims. I hope I'm like that! :) I've also talked to a couple who had no trouble with the BCPs, but had a lot of trouble with the stims. I hope that's not me....otherwise, we're really in for it. :(

Yesterday, we went to see a psychologist for the IVF process. It was mandatory and I was so unhappy that we even had to go. I've been seeing a therapist since we started dealing with infertility. Alot of people who see a therapist are often labeled "crazy" or "weird", but after seeing one myself, I've realized it more normal to be seeking help and that everyone needs help once in awhile. I don't know what I'd do without my therapist.

Anyway, getting off track here. :) I was annoyed that we had to go and it seemed like a waste of our time...and it was. We had to drive over an hour on a Saturday. It was raining and all I wanted to do was cuddle up with a good book and blanket at home. I was pretty crabby, but Mark and I had a good time on the way there. He sure can make me laugh. I do enjoy the car trips as it gives us more time together and more laughs. Otherwise, he would be sleeping at home, so this way we get to spend more time together.

Basically the psychologist went over our history and asked about our likes and dislikes and stuff. She asked all the basic questions and asked about our families. Then, she asked about how we're going to tell the child about about he/she was brought into this world. Well, apparently we didn't say all the right things because she was very opinionated about a few things. She kept bringing her own experiences into it. I left feeling like a horrible mother already and when you leave a therapist's office, you're supposed to leave feeling better, not worse, right?

Before we left, she also gave us brochures on some of her retreats and classes she offers. I kind of felt like we were being pushed into it even though she kept saying it was our choice and if we needed the support, she was just throwing it out there. But Mark and I both agreed she was a little pushy. At one point when she said we might have enough support, I said, "Yeah, I've got a lot of support, my family, friends, online support and my therapist is always right there. I've got her home phone number, work number, cell number, pager number, work e-mail address, home e-mail address. I see her sister for chiropractor and acupuncture and her husband is my husband's doctor so in a pinch, he can always get sick and go into the hospital and I can get a hold of her that way."

She just nodded and told me that was great. I think she was a little disappointed, though. :)

Anyway, yes, a waste of our time and now, I feel like a bad mother already....but that's where MY therapist comes in and I'll be talking to her about it at the next appointment. :)

I'm crossing this off and moving onto Monday when we do the sonogram. This is one step closer to our peanut. :)

Shot training

I gotta first tell you guys a cute Tyler story. I have an "IVF folder" where I keep all my IVF info in it. On the front, I have pictures of Tyler, Peyton and Adelaide and some cute pictures they made for me as inspiration. Tyler had seen the book.

Tyler: What's my picture doing on there?

Tammy: That's for strength for me.

Tyler: What's strength?

Tammy: Well, you know how Mark and I are trying to have a baby?

Tyler: Yeah?

Tammy: Well, sometimes it gets really hard. We have to go through a lot to get a baby and it can be really tough on us. So, I look at the picture of you and I know that I would go through all our pain and tough times for you and I know I can do this and go through all this stuff for our baby because of you. I look at your picture and it helps me to keep going to try and get our baby.

Tyler: You get all that from one little picture?

He's soooo cute. :)

Shot training went well today. It wasn't too bad. The nurse did hands-on training with us and another couple. She showed us 5 different shots we'd have to do:

1. Lupron: Stimulation and prevent untimely ovulation. This was drawn up just like the insulin shots I give Mark every day so I'm thinking Piece of cake...no problem...I can do this!!

2. Menopur: Stimulation. This has 2 vials that has to be mixed. It's just like the glucagon shots I have to give Mark when his sugar goes really low. Sweet! Piece of cake....no problem!

At this point, Mark and I are looking at each other thinking this isn't going to be so bad.

3. Follistim: Stimulation. This is a pen that involves just dialing up the units and injecting. For a "normal" person, this would probably be the easiest of the shots, but I wasn't used to it and liked the Lupron and Menopur more. For some reason, I had more trouble with this one than the other 2, but I'm sure it'll be fine. The other couple had no problems at all, even had to help me a little, and asked "Why can't all the shots be like this and so easy?"....show offs :)

4. HCG: This has to be given 36 hours before retrieval to initiate ovulation process. I didn't pay too much attention to the nurse explaining this one. It has to be intramuscularly and all I could focus on was the HUGE needle. I've had the HCG shot before, but our clinic's nurses were kind enough to do it for me and I would just lay on the bed and they would do it for me so I never saw the needle. However, when this nurse showed us the needle, both Mark's and my eyes were popping out of our heads. I said "That's one BIG needle!" The other female in the class also nodded. And the nurse, being very supportive (big use of sarcasm there) said "Actually, this isn't that big....they are actually much bigger. We just use this for training." Thanks for the encouragement.

5. Progesterone in oil: This is to be given after the transfer to support pregnancy. Just like the HCG, this was a huge needle and has to be intramuscularly. I once again pointed out that this is a huge needle to which the nurse just nodded. I'm sure I'm getting a big red flag in my chart "Annoying!!" :)

During stimulation, there will be up to 4 shots a day...and the worst part is, I can't complain about it to Mark because that's how many he gets.....sigh. Mark has agreed to help me with giving the shots. I'm going to be mixing it up and drawing them up but he's going to assist in giving them to me...thank goodness. He is nervous about hurting me, but I'd much rather him do it than me. :)

Today is CD3 and I start my BCPs (birth control pills). I will be on these for 3 weeks.

Hope everyone is having a great day! :)

CD1!!

That's the last time you'll see an exclamation point by CD1. :) AF was teasing me yesterday, poking her head in the window but not coming in. Today, she's here, annoying as ever. Once again she brought along my cousins, Cramping and Bloating and of course we can't forget Fatigue. Fatigue is extremely annoying this month.....like "go-to-bed-before-I-fall-over".

But, it's all good as now things officially get going! I start BCPs on Monday along with my CD3 labs. I also have my wonderful shot class on Monday.

Wow....this is really happening. :)

M.D. conference

First of all, I want to apologize if the IVF posts get a little boring. I want to mostly jot down things and keep them together so it might get a little boring with stats and stuff....but I'll try to spice things up. :)

One good thing about this trip down was there was no frozen puke! We were super excited about that! To read about that story, go here: http://twondra.blogspot.com/2007/11/appointment-and-wild-couple-days.html

So, anyway, when we first went into the doctor's office, I thought we were in for it. We all sit down and he's looking over my chart and it's a little quiet. So, to break the ice, I say "So, we've decided to take the plunge!". He looks over at me over his glasses and just gives me a little grin and goes back to my chart. Mark smacks me on the leg and just shakes his head. I just shrug.

The doctor must think I'm an idiot....oh, well. At least he gets to know the real me.

Anyway, we talked a lot about the process and what to expect. Oddly enough, it didn't overwhelm me at all. Usually things like this get me all nervous and flustered, but I am super calm about this which makes me nervous because it's soooo unlike me. :) But, it makes me feel good that I'm so calm. He described the process and what to expect. Most of it I knew from talking to others.

Here are a few things we talked about:
1. There is a 10% chance we will not be able to go through with the cycle, either because there aren't enough follies or too much (in the case of OHSS where I'm overstimulated). But, there is a 90% chance everything will go okay.
2. The goal is to get 10-12 follies.
3. We talked about transferring 1 or 2 embryos and the advantages and disadvantages of both scenarios. Mark and I had already talked about this before and we have decided to transfer 2 no matter what. The chances are higher for twins but we'll cross that bridge if it comes to that. We want our best chances and God knows the outcome already anyway.
4. With IVF, there is a slightly higher risk for birth defects and risks in pregnancy. The risk for "normal" pregnancies is 2% and the risk for IVF is 4%, so it's really low and Mark and I aren't too concerned about that.

That's mostly what we talked about. Next, we wait for me to get AF, which should be tomorrow....she better not be late. :) Then, we have our shot training class on Monday.

Thanks again for all the support you guys! It means a lot!! (((HUGS)))